It's Time To Really Wake Up & Live

Two-months back, I got a big break for my career – a new responsibility.
It was awesome; it was what I wanted, a new challenge so that I could push myself to being limitless.

So, I told myself that I would give my everything to learning this new role and be awesome in it..my everything…

I indulged myself into trainings and shadowing and learning everything about my new responsibilities. I was always on stress & tension because I didn’t want to screw things up. For two whole months, my work became my everything. I stopped doing my other things like writing, going on adventures; you know things that actually bring you inner happiness.
It was like this because I thought that if I dedicated my mind to something else other than this new role, this would disrupt my focus and decrease my productivity.
Eventually, as time passed by, my work took over my mind and my creative side got blocked. I felt zero connection with the universe and like my intuition stopped talking to me.
So, basically it was like my left side of my brain took over my mind and my right side got lost.
But, I said, it’s fine, the creativity will come back. This new responsibility is much more important than anything.

I kicked ass at work, I worked hard, I worked smart, for very long hours.
And, I proved myself & to everyone that it was not a bad decision to take me for this new role.

I felt good about myself that I have achieved this…for like 5 minutes. Then, I felt like complete crap.

Yups, I felt like shit 🙂

Why? Because looking back over those two-months, I saw myself grinding and working my ass off to impress the boss and not let anyone say that I wasn’t good enough for the role; which I accomplished.
But, I also lost weight because I was always skipping lunch to get the work done; I felt physically & mentally tired; I became to a point that I no longer wanted to look at my computer screen and I was waiting to the weekend to sleep..
Yeah… I became like the rest of the world.. zombies.. I had stopped living, I was only EXISTING.

Sure, I got more bucks – awesome.. getting more money is always awesome.. but, for what ?

For Fuck’s sake.. for what?

Yayyy.. I got more bucks and more responsibilities at work, but I was no longer inline with the vibration of the universe. I no longer loved myself.

That sucks.. like real bad..

I looked at some of my colleagues; when I first started working, I said – Nopes, am not gonna end up like them, people who work for the weekends. But, I did become like them..

And, all of a sudden, I didn’t like who I’ve become.. That’s not good at all..

We have to balance our life.. Work.. Career.. Money.. it’s awesome to have those in life.. But, the other aspects of our life are important too.. Health, experiences, connection, friendship, love..
What’s the use of having a little more money in life if we don’t have life experiences? If we do not have someone real to come back home to? Or, simply we neglected our health and now, we look like crap?

It’s not worth it.. 🙂

We can’t just give Only ONE aspect of our life our everything.
We have to give & receive in all aspects of our life..

Don’t say, let me work a lot this year, then next year when I have so much of money, then I’ll start living life like I want.. How do you know you gonna live till next year?

Start balancing.. Start to celebrate all your little wins, and not wait for the big ones to pop up the champagne… Go on that nature walk.. Stop saying “I have to work tonight, I’ll go out with my friends next week” and then, you never get the time & energy to actually go out.

It’s time to stop existing & really Live 

Continue Reading

The Society & Us

I have a super big problem with our society. I’m gonna say it loud. I have a fucking problem with the way our society operates. So much of stupidity. So much of bullshit. So much of “so-called” rules.

Dear Society,

Let us live. Let us love freely.
It’s our life. Our only life. And, our life aren’t defined by your rules. Your rules no longer make sense now.
People are miserable because of your stupid way of thinking.

Creativity is a real thing. Writers, artists, singers are equally awesome as bankers, doctors and lawyers.

Stop holding academic grades over those kid’s heads. Who cares if they failed Maths? They are talented in writing. Then, let them write.
Stop trying to crush people’s passions and dreams. Let everyone follow their dreams.

Divorced people have the right to love & be happy again. They tried marriage and, it didn’t work. So what? They just were not with the right persons. They have the right to try again till they meet the right one.

And, yeah. Your most cruel rule: “Love should only be between a man and a woman.”
Seriously??
Get over it. Love is Love. Anyone can love anyone he/she wants.
Stop making lovers feel guilty and miserable for who they really are.

Some people have to wear masks everyday because the society cannot accept them for who they are.
For Fuck Sake, let people be who they want to be.
Let them do what they love.

Dear Society,
If people cannot live freely & be who they really are inside and outside, then you suck big time 🙂

Dear People reading this,
For Fuck Sake, stop giving a shit about the society. Go after your dreams, your love, your adventures irrespective of what other people think and say. We all deserve an extraordinary life. Stop living the life that the society has designed for you. You are worth much more than that.

Dear Society, 
For Fuck Sake, 
Let the world live & love the way it wants… 

Continue Reading

Naked, Flawed and Beautiful

I do not send out friend requests often. But there is this particular person who caught my eye and I clicked on the rectangular green button on his Facebook profile. Now, for me to do that meant that this person was really impressive; it was not a cute profile picture or popularity. Still, when he immediately accepted and messaged me, I became all pretentious, almost rude.

“Do you always message people who send you friend requests to say ‘thank you’? I asked with a sassy smiley. “No, I just wanted to start the conversation with you. Do we know each other?” he asked. “[…] Idk. Am I the one who added you?” I retorted. Now, I’ve always had a little of attitude, I have never been into sugar-coating things but this sassiness of mine hid some kind of insecurity. I did not want to tell him straightaway that he’d impressed me. I was afraid to be truthful. To be… vulnerable.

And this is so weird, I thought to myself. Lately, I’ve been working on putting my shield down. To just be out there. To be who I am. And I found that it was okay. It was okay to be interviewed for the post of a web content writer and journalist and to say that I have social anxiety, that I sometimes find it hard to interact with people. That wasn’t what google had taught me about job interviews. Google had asked me to look confident, to only focus on my strengths. I did not. And it was okay. It was okay when, after I got that job, I sometimes had moments of panic, moments during which I would get into my shell. Yes my boss saw my hand shaking when I interviewed a person for the first time and it was okay. The other day a client we write advertorials for mentioned being a little more careful when talking to me because she knows I might get anxious. She did not mean it in a bad way; she knows how I am, she gets it, it’s no big deal (as long as I write good articles for them) and she tries to help. What a relief!

What a relief to be out there and letting people see me. And the thing with anxiety is that once you just act and let go of the ‘what if’, it becomes so much easier. We’re all fighting little battles every day, why make our burdens even heavier with pretension? If you put down the armor, if you do not even fight who will defeat you? I learnt to strip away my pretension. Are you nervous? “Yes”, I reply. ‘Fake it till you make it’ might work for others, not for me. I opt for truthfulness. With myself. With others. It is hard to put away the armor, to strip away the pretense. It is hard to be naked. They see it all. They see the beautiful skin but they also see the bruises. But that is you. It is not about valuing the flaws, about complaining about them or be a victim because of them. But it isn’t about hating them either. They are your flaws; you are imperfect; it is okay.

If I can do it in a job interview and in my everyday life why can I tell a guy that he impressed me? It is trivial but it matters. Go out there, be yourself. Get naked, show your flaws, show your bruises. Free; you’ll feel free. And fearless. Do it for the big things, do it for the trivial things. Let go of the politically correct. Do not waste time to think of something impressive to say. Just say the truth. Just say what you feel. Don’t put an armor around yourself, don’t put an armor around your feelings. Undo the corset of pretense. Breathe. Don’t seek to impress. Just be real. And you might be surprised. Others might strip too and you will see that they are as bruised, as flawed as you. Naked, flawed and beautiful. Now will you please excuse me, I need to go message a guy and tell him that yes, I did send him a friend request, that I do admire the way he stands up for causes and strives for his passion.

Written by Luckshmee Jeawon 🙂 

Continue Reading

Can we get back to being strangers again?

Can we get back to being strangers again? Can we get back to just knowing each other again? Can we get back to the time you actually listened to me with intent and curiosity again?

That time when you listened to actually listen and not reply back. That time when you would not get frustrated about my late replies cause you were just grateful for our fun-filled talks. That time when there were no expectations, no being taken for granted… Relationships are weird. Us human beings, even weirder. We get attached, we expect, we get hurt. And when you get attached you expect me to get attached too. Else you get hurt. Oh so complicated, oh so weird.

Love is not about expecting but about giving I used to believe. Love is unconditional I used to believe. Loving a flower means not plucking it and just letting it be, I’d read. And I hold on to all of that. As soon as someone EXPECTS me to love them back, I cringe. But between my big philosophies and your small requests we got to find a way. Cause you do not ask for much. A little bit of my time, a little bit of validation, a need to know that the love is mutual… Because you are just human. Imperfectly, beautifully human. Cause in spite of my big philosophies I am just human too.  And it does happen that I wait for a message and get frustrated when it doesn’t come.

Love is nothing but a sharing of energy OSHO says. You have so much that you give. Love isn’t about need, love isn’t about expecting someone else to fill you up. Love happens when you’re yourself so filled that you overflow. Big philosophies again. Beautiful yet farfetched talks again. Maybe somewhere, someone’s healing touch can help. Maybe someone can make life just a little more meaningful, pain a little more bearable. But in the end, I believe we got to untangle our own issues before holding someone else’s hand. I want to be loved by someone who in no way needs me but just wants me. Here and now. And you are strong enough. With or without me.

Will you wait till we find that kind of love?  Or will you find someone who is as unsure as you? Your feet could be wobbly but you could hold each other’s hands. She will be glad that you care, she will not be overly philosophical; even though half-filled you’ll complete each other. That could be a beautiful love story too. I will very gladly let you go. I love you enough to want you to be free and happy. But in the meantime, I still ask: can we get back to being strangers again?

 

Written by Luckshmee Jeawon

Continue Reading